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Lannie

[ novel lj | true friendship ]
[ webhome | fantasy-freak ]
[ memories | my memories ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

So, I guess it's time... [11 Oct 2003|06:03pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I'm going to move out of LJ and into my own domain.
As the owner of http://www.lannie.net I'd like to invite you all to visit me there to read the daily antics of my weird life.

I won't leave the LJ community completely - I'll still be using my account to comment on your entries and all, but this journal won't be updated anymore.

So see ya all on http://www.lannie.net !!

10 lovin's| spread the love

cos we're ambitious [11 Oct 2003|10:28am]
[ mood | lazy ]

At 2.30 pm, after four hours of frenzied working, I ran off to home. I had finished all of the work that had to be done exactly at the deadline I had set for myself. Four hours I had planned to work, and within four hours it was done. All that was left was a mad dash to the station (I set a fucking record, too, 9 and a half minutes! I was totally out of breath when I got there) to catch the train home just in time.

I was totally fedup and just wanted to go home. Olli had been cleaning the house so I returned to a clean house. That's always good of course! We watched some TV and snuggled a bit, and at 6 Derek dropped by. Went to the snackbar for a bite and got us some beer, and in the end we had a cosy evening with talks, weed and beer. It's been a while since I smoked pot - not since Werchter (that was fucking JUNE, people!), so the combination of pot and Hoegaarden beer (to stay in the Wechter spirit, teehee!) hit me rather hard. I was all smiley and sleepy.

I ended up in bed at 1 am already. Damn that pot. Oh, and damn corporate bedtimes, too. But we had fun and it was great, a warm and cosy evening. Just got up an hour ago (corporate bedtimes, mmm?) and Derek and I are playing around online for a bit. Today I wont do much, I think... a bit of cleaning, a bit of laundry.

I hope the dude from the youth hostel in Leuven has replied already. It would kinda suck if we couldnt stay there.

2 lovin's| spread the love

racing against the clock [10 Oct 2003|01:27pm]
[ mood | rushed ]

So here I am, on my free day, at work - desperately trying to tie up stuff before the autumn holiday begins. I had counted on help from the receptionist here, but she fucked up the task I'd given her, and now it all comes down to me -- extra work.

I'm not stressing actually... I'm totally in the zone and doing heaps of work atm, but I am annoyed as fuck. When I've worked my way through this pile, I'm going home. Autumn holiday, here I cooooome!

If all goes well, Olli and I are going to Leuven/Louvain a few days... sounds lovely. :)

3 lovin's| spread the love

my preciousssss... [08 Oct 2003|08:47pm]
[ mood | giddy ]





OK, this t-shirt in the black version, is going to be MINE.
Thanks a heap Wen, for ordering a shirt for Tijs and me as well.
And then I'll have my preciousssss!
11 lovin's| spread the love

interesting lyrics [08 Oct 2003|06:48pm]
[ mood | amused ]

You know, today I was only asked one question, and that one question all day--do you know what that was?Collapse )

1 lovin'| spread the love

does that make you ambitious when you supersize ambition? [07 Oct 2003|11:26pm]
[ mood | horny ]

I've been writing for Nano.
Well, not really writing. But there were flashes of images, and they were fucking strong.
The scenes are horrible - especially the one with Stephanie after she realises what theyve done - but I'm getting mightily turned on with the rush of inspiration. There must be something wrong with me.

BACK OFF PLOTBUNNIES!
Come back at November 1 or something.

Now I'm too fucking hyper to sleep.
And I need sleep, because at internship its insanely busy.

*sings along on top of her lungs*
"It's alright, sooner or later...."
I can't stop listening to the song that's playing right now. Everyone, go download it. The lyrics are mightily interesting. They have a point too. "Ambition's a tricky thing...."

*grins*
Fuck me, I really need to go to bed but I can't sleep.
I need to bounce.

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hail the dutch national railways system [07 Oct 2003|09:34pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

Today it took me fucking TWO hours to travel a distance of fifteen kilometers.

I fucking HATE the national railways here. Delays all over the place in the past weeks. I think the fact that I work even closer to home and thus should travel less makes it even more frustrating. Standing in the rain for over an hour waiting for a bus to transport me home because the train won't ride does NOT make me a happy bunny.

*groans* Olli just told me that the Netherlands has only 130 days a year when it doesnt rain. The other 235 we'll have rain at some point of another. Sea climate, anyone?

I wanna live in Spain or something.

1 lovin'| spread the love

Some remarks during lunch [06 Oct 2003|12:26pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Monday afternoon. The job application deadlines for the two most popular jobs are today, so it’s a freaking madhouse today. People are sending me e-mails, they call me on the last possible moment (seriously, I feel like the most popular girl in the school today), and I’m swamped with letters. It’s fun, but I don’t have a moment for myself at all.
Didn’t realize how quiet it was here until it got busy.

Every day I wake up, it is darker. I used to wake up with sunrise, but now the world is still shrouded in twilight when I walk out of the door. No more pretty sunrise pics from the balcony for me anymore! It’s raining like crazy today, and a true autumn storm is whipping around rain and leaves. Christ, and we’ll still have the whole winter to go. Might want to invest in a *warm* winter coat. The one I have now is nice until 3 degrees above zero. If the temperature dips below, I’m freezing my ass off. But hey, it’s always nice to shop for good coats!

Olli is working on my blog site. We have to hurry, I just realised. From the 22nd on, my paid account be terminated and changed into a free account again. It would be fun if we could have lannie.net in the air by then.

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Autumn in Holland [05 Oct 2003|07:12pm]
[ mood | content ]

2 lovin's| spread the love

to someone I miss sometimes. [04 Oct 2003|09:37pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

I was doing the dishes, up in soapwater until my elbows, and I thought of an inside joke we'd do whenever we did the dishes together. "There is no spoon," one of us would say, and we'd always laugh. Because it was a standard thing, something we'd always say.
I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
It's probably because the anniversary of our fight has passed, and contact with others has been resumed. It makes me feel wistful. So I dream.
In the dream, we'd run into eachother. We'd talk, but it would be awkward and cautious... but it wouldn't bother us, because underneath we detected eachother's goodwill to talk it over and to start with a clean slate. Because we've both changed and moved on, and we'd both want to share things again like we used to. I've dreamt about you a couple of times in the past year, and it was always a disappointment to wake up.
Because I miss you. I'd want to tell you about a thing I know you'd like, like Nanowrimo, or Machinae Supremacy or Apocalyptica, and then I couldn't, because you aren't there, and you don't want to hear.
I'd experience something, and I found myself thinking that you should have been there.
I totally suck at letting go of people. I attach myself too deeply, and I respond badly at rejection. It's an integral part of me that I've come to accept. Lots of things have changed in the past year, me being one of them. Feelings and situations have changed too. The one thing that doesnt change, something that never will, is that I care.
Always have, always will.
Please never doubt that.
I'll always be here.

11 lovin's| spread the love

leids ontzet [04 Oct 2003|05:06pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Yesterday was lovely: Tijs, Lie, Sjoerd dan I had an ultimate blast in Leiden. The weather wasnt as bad as I initially feared, and the fair was fun. Tijs and I went into an especially scary attraction; I screamed my lungs out in terror and fun, and came out on an adrenaline high that made me feel out of it for more than half an hour. I kept yawning and felt too light in my head. I just took Tijs' arm and he made sure I didnt fall over. He's very good at that.

Seriously, one faire attraction and you don't need any beer for the whole evening. I just kept to cola, because I felt otherwise something might go wrong, but that didnt matter cos we had loads of fun. In one of the alleyways near the station a live band was performing that was very good - they performed lots of stuff from the Guano Apes, No Doubt, Alanis Morisette, Anouk, etc and especially the guitar player was awesome. The singer was, too, although she wasnt very good at remembering her lines. *grins* We watched them for a long time, and eventually walked home to Lie and Sjoerds apartment. There we had a few drinks (yes, I did consume half a bottle of apfel this time) and went to bed early in the morning. Had several good talks and just a good time with the four of us.

Tijs sees his brother too little as it is, and since Lie and I have been so close lately, it was very cool to be with the four of us, going out and doing something fun. Only wish Olli had been there with us. I only saw him three minutes on Sloterdijk, when I was on my way home... and tonight he wont be home for midnight.
But the Autumn Holiday next week we'll be together all the time, so then we'll catch up. :)

*yawns* damn Im sleepy!

1 lovin'| spread the love

miracles do still happen [02 Oct 2003|10:34am]
[ mood | happy ]

After three years of being passed by and teeth-gnashing, Olli finally got his promotion.
O_O

Still need to hear the exact hows and why's, but DAMN it's about time.

5 lovin's| spread the love

everything that has a beginning, has an end... [02 Oct 2003|10:14am]
[ mood | excited ]

5 November, 2003.

"It's impossible...."
"Not impossible. Inevitable."

"If we must give them our lifes, we'll give them HELL before we do!"

Matrix: Revolutions trailer.

~~

17 December, 2003.

"This day, we FIGHT!"

"We cannot win this war by strength of arms."
"Not for ourselves... but we can give Frodo a chance."

Return Of The King trailer.

~~

Alright, who will sign a petition with me so we can see these two movies RIGHT NOW?! November and December are too far away. I don't want to wait for this.... It's going to be SO good. The grand finale of both trilogies is here - and it'll be the final struggle in both cases. The trailers look so fucking good - the images are strong and powerful, the music is haunting and intense. God how I want to see this.
*groan*

3 lovin's| spread the love

something beautiful [01 Oct 2003|10:20pm]
[ mood | creative ]

Gahhh Nano bunnies are biting me!
Go away! Away I tell you!!

Seriously... Nano signup has started and a talk with Tijs got those creative juices flowing. I'm thinking up names, situations, characters... so scared I'll forget it all, jotting down notes like crazy.

Two new characters I created: Paris (male) and Vivien (female, and thanks for the name, Tijs!) I think I'll team up Paris and Vivien in the end.

OK... so let's get down to business:

Vivien - (23) the social activist. She's fond of debating, pursuing ideas - a real visionary. She may get bored with things quickly, but not before she's added a touch of her brilliance to the subject. She'll be the head of the student council, one of the people on the barricades with Sienna when the whole shit goes down.
Still a student, because she's doing lots of stuff in between. Travelling, art, sabattical years to study a foreign language, etc etc. The student council is a new thing.
She *might* be Jaon's (ex) girlfriend/fuckbuddy for a while, but I dont know about that yet.

Paris - (25) the lazy bum. He's a bit of a hippy, life elemental, very philosophical and the prototype of the eternal student. He's a member of the student council, thats how they all meet. He'll be the one to offer resistance to the revolutionary ideas in a purely ethical way (as opposed to Stephanie's practical resistance). He's the one who *almost* understands what is really happening - the one who gets very, very afraid and loses faith.
He falls in love with Vivien, and the love is returned. Theyre *very* passionate together.

Stephanie (18)- the voice of reason. Practical, down-to-earth, but very young. Fond of watching people, figuring out what makes them tick. A sort of sociologist. Knows what people who band together will do, figures out patterns of human behaviour. The only thing in her way is her youth and her naivety. If she hadn't been so naïve and trusting, things might have gone differently.

Jaon - (20) the perfectionist. It is never enough, he always wants more, better, greater things. He has terribly high expectations of himself and everyone around him. He's bossy, arrogant, rude, but also charming and witty. Depends a little which side you're on. He is extremely disciplined, has an extreme thirst for learning. He wants to create a better world and most of all, a better Jaon.

Sienna - (19) the rebel. Not quite grown out of her puberty stage, Sienna loves to kick against the world that she feels has mostly ignored her or spited her. She's as witty and bossy and as self-assured as Jaon is. Very independent, used to being on her own but loves to shine among other people. She wants a stage, she wants to perform, and she wants it all. Most of all, she wants it now. She's very impatient and wants action. She's a good leader, very practical in emergency situations, and clear-headed, logical thinking. But she's just… a rebel. The perfect rebel leader.

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telling the season [01 Oct 2003|08:13pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

The geek sign of the upcoming winter:
Olli is closing off his computer case again after months of having the wiring exposed to the world.

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the sleep habits of the lannie [01 Oct 2003|12:37pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I'm a bit worried about my sleeping habit in the past week... I've seriously going to bed at 8 or 9pm in the past few days, waking up at 6am. Well, that means it's either ten or nine hours of sleep, and that isnt so bad, but going to bed at 8?! What the fucking hell?

Okay, I get sleepy after sex, but not *that* sleepy! And especially not sleepy enough to sleep the whole night through! At least Olli wakes up at some point, I don't. It's a bit sucky. Maybe I just need a night when I can sleep in, but when I look into my agenda it seems that no such day is in my near future. Sunday, maybe.

*sigh* The upside on this whole situation is that I'm not falling asleep at work now. oh well. I'll just stay far away from my bed until 11 pm at night.

Book memeCollapse )

Weight update: back to 92.2 again. Pfew! That 93 was looking awfully nasty.
I'll continue my crusade! :)

4 lovin's| spread the love

so I listen to the radio... [30 Sep 2003|04:40pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I feel fried. That's what 40 job applications, their standard response letters, their administration and Sky radio all day will do to you. Oh, I've been mightily productive, but I hardly can think straight anymore.

Seriously, the easy listening music of Sky radio is driving me bonkers sometimes. PLEASE for the love of GOD do something upbeat once in a while. I am NOT a fan of Celine Dion, and Im hardly very enthusiastic to hear her whole freaking repertoire sixteen times a day, alright? But Ilonka can only stand Sky Radio and it's her radio, so Sky it is. *looks sad*

Of course, on the days she's not there I'm listening to 538. Now, Radio 538 isnt the best ever, but at least there's talking, too. I adore the radio program by Edwin Evers in the morning and the evening program by Jeroen van Inkel - I listen to those on my FM cellphone when I'm on my way to work.
They joke around, do prank calls, and the music is much more my style. I can stand Top 40 music all day long... at least there's *some* upbeat shit sometimes.

And I really like to listen to human voices talking and joking around. Because it feels like friends talking, and I wont be alone on my trip. It happens often that I'm sitting in the train and suddenly I'm chuckling or smiling because of something I hear on the radio. People look at you in wonder for a moment, they see the headset, and they know.

So if you'll excuse me, I'll be off to home, and I'll listen to my radio. ;)

1 lovin'| spread the love

sunrise [30 Sep 2003|10:08am]
[ mood | calm ]

7.43 am. I'm standing at the busstop and am looking up to the sunrise-colored clouds. I turn off the radio option on my phone and don't hesitate. I call Olli. "If you go to the lake right now, you'll have a gorgeous sunrise."
Olli hesitates even less. "OK, I'll disconnect now and I'm off to check."

For the past weeks, Ol and I have taken it upon ourselves to make the perfect sunrise/sunset picture. It is possible to make a good pic from the window or the balcony, but you'll always have things blocking your way. I've been thinking on taking the cam with me on my way to work, but lacking batteries or forgetting the digicam prevented me from doing so.

Until now.

Btw, I love living at the lake here. :)



There are more pics at Olli's blog.
4 lovin's| spread the love

hehe [29 Sep 2003|12:04pm]
[ mood | amused ]

In all those 9 years that I've known him, Olli continues to surprise me. And isn't that the greatest thing? ...as long as they're good surprises, I guess. These are two of them:

- he had his first driving lesson today. To my pleasant surprise he didnt wreck the car or himself, and he was even complimented on his natural skills. He's being all bouncy and hyper and happy because of it. Friday's his next lesson.
- ...and, in the wake of all the cool kids Olli started a blog. Yes, you read it right. My boyfriend actually started a fucking BLOG. We'll see how long he'll be interested in playing with it.. but for now you can find it HERE.

*hums along with the radio*

Laten we dansen
mijn liefste
dansen aan zee...


I'm in a good mood today. Not a winning mood, just okay and content.
Decided I need a diet. Since the summer, my weight's been creeping back up to levels I'd rather not have it at. I've been eating way too much candy and icecream lately. Which isnt all that much if you compare it to some people I know, but too much for me. So I need to cut back on it. Now Im being hungry all day - was forced to have a break at 11.50 because I was all blah and yawny from a sugar low. Well fuck you body, if I give you *all* the sugar you want, I'll be weighing a hundred kilo's in no time! So blah to you - even if you threathen with low sugarlevels and sleepiness, I will prevail! Back to 88! Muhahahaaaaaaa!

Oh, and Marjolein: *HUG*!

9 lovin's| spread the love

I hope this is a good thing! [28 Sep 2003|09:38pm]
[ mood | amused ]

The Ultimate LJ Obsession TestCollapse )

1 lovin'| spread the love

O_o [28 Sep 2003|05:02pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

I called Tijs a bit ago after reading Marcel's LJ entry.
Tijs had an accident yesterday - one he cant remember. He only remembers standing with a broken bike and an aching head after leaving volleyball. He got hit in the head badly. No concussion, but one of his front teeth broke off entirely. His mouth is bruised and swollen, and he has a bump on his forehead.
Holy shit. Hey, you're too sweet to let anything like that happen to you! *huggle* Take it easy and I hope a dentist can help you out soon!

8 lovin's| spread the love

Sunday Afternoon. [28 Sep 2003|01:43pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

Well, nothing much here. We went to my mother Fridayevening and yes, I survived 2 hours of my sister's incessant chattering in the train *g*. It was good to see my mother again. She was very delighted with the enormous bouquet of her favorite flowers that I brought for her, and to see Gitty and me. We all went to bed early, because we'd been working all day. Gitty sat up a little longer with Geer's daughter Chantal.

Saturday I sat up and smiled at my aunt, uncle and grandmother. They were actually very warm and interested in what I was doing this time. Turns out that I was right - my cousin goes to school at the DaVinci, actually the location where I work. I'll keep an eye out for her. The sun was out in Apeldoorn, bright and warm, so we were able to sit outside in the garden all day The air was rather cool, but it was very much doable. My mother was very happy that we could sit outside at her birthday; usually that is not possible.

Ben and Bibi, who are friends of my mother in Hoorn, offered to give me a ride home on Saturday evening. I took them up on that offer; it saves me a trainride and a ticket home, and I'd be home at Saturday. Olli and I were really happy to huggle eachother and I was glad to sleep in my own bed last night.

Today's a typical lazy Sunday. I've bathed and began to read Desperation by Stephen King. It's actually a very weird book... the same main characters... same name and most characteristics, but in totally different situations... parallel to what happened in The Regulators. It's a bit disturbing really, I dont know why. I'll keep reading at least.

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Friday afternoon [26 Sep 2003|01:22pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

It's Martijn's last day, so we're all unusually chatty and unproductive today. Ilonka's irritated as hell over formation issues, so Martijn and I are basically goofing around to cheer her up. I'm playing around with the sickness registrations and the atmosphere is lovely and loose here today. Or maybe I'm just perceiving it today because I feel in a winning mood.
Had the greatest time with Lie yesterday! I went with her to the University and followed a lesson on English phonetics - it was doable... if you would have followed all of the lessons and done all of the homework, that is. I felt as if I was sitting in a math lesson sometimes... not sure whether it was because of all the teminology that didnt mean anything to me, or just because of me being so behind on the rest, like math in the old days. ;)

Anyway, Lie and I later went for a drink, and we had the loveliest of talks. Talking about the old days!! It must have been ages that we just spent hours and hours talking about life, the universe and everything like this. It was beautiful... I felt so close to her. I wouldnt have imagined it being like this only half a year ago.
Should have known that when the time would be ripe and we both would be ready, we would truly open up to eachother at last, and revel joyfully at what we could create together. I think that we've never been so close as we are now, and for that I am so glad. :)
We had a beer at Van Daele - which is lovely to just sit and have a drink in a semi-private place - and later we went to a tapas bar (at the Zeedijk! Lie hadnt been there in a few years, and couldnt remember it's exact location anymore). Tapas gooood! So had lots of fun, and it created a true winning mood for me today. :)

And I'll be going home in 2.5 hours already! Yay!

1 lovin'| spread the love

Yay! [24 Sep 2003|02:37pm]
[ mood | amused ]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SASSY!!!

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Whoa busy! [24 Sep 2003|12:22pm]
[ mood | busy ]

And suddenly it was a busy day for me! I do not really mind, actually. Been building advertisements with job descriptions all morning. Gives me all kinds of stuff to do... looking up old advertisements, checking up on old job descriptions and tasks, molding it into an appealing text, actually quite fun!

Olli just mailed me that he has ordered a free Dr Pepper longsleeve t-shirt. If you have three cans of Pepper, you can order the shirt. It's actually a cute shirt with a nice print - so I urged him to drink on so I'd have one, too. *grins* Free longsleeve shirts are always good. I need some good longsleeves; the ones I have arent really suited for use here at the internship (one features the text: hear no bullshit, see no bullshit, say no bullshit, another with Get the fuck UP! and the third is featured with realistic-looking flames that remind you of hellfire... I think that proves my point!). So we'll see.

Nothing much else. Tomorrow I'll join Lie in Amsterdam for a drink and a bite to eat (my student allowance arrived late yesterday afternoon, the relief of the century!), and Friday I'll go to my mother in Apeldoorn. I think I'll leave here a bit earlier, so Ol and I can still have dinner together and then I wont be too late in Apeldoorn... once again, we'll see.

Lie and I are mailing like crazy these days, it's lots of fun! If anyone wants to follow her shining example, just give me a buzz. ;)

2 lovin's| spread the love

crossroads and choices [24 Sep 2003|02:33pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I just don’t understand some people. How the hell can you sit on the bottom of the well and just *continue* to sit there, without wanting to change something about your situation? How can you be content down there?

Finding yourself rock-bottom would make me feel ashamed. Ashamed that something did not work out, despair that I’m finding myself down there. It’s a circle I have to break through, otherwise I’ll drive myself crazy.

But even the moments that I felt that I was rock bottom, I fought myself out eventually. It’s easy to ignore yourself, but in the end it’ll bite you in the ass anyhow. It’s like K’s Choice says it: ‘Life is easy when you fake it, right until you realize that happiness is unrelated to anything you have in sight’. They’re so right about it. It’s a fake life, without the highs and lots of the lows. How can anyone in his right mind choose for that? How can anyone choose not to do anything about it? How can you ignore other people when they try to get you out of it?

If you’re truly in a situation where you have to hold out before you can progress, then it’s okay, I guess. Gnashing your teeth and waiting for a better time. Like Olli’s waiting for me to finish my study so he can pursue his dreams while I can work for the both of us, it’s just temporary. I live kind of zen-like, from day to day and with no real idea of what the future will be like. The dreams that I have are vague, and a sense of cynism inside of me tells me that it won’t happen the way I want it anyhow. You can’t plan life, it goes as it goes and you only have a bit of control over it. No one really truly ultimately follows his intended path of life, and 99% of the people end up somewhere where they didn’t initially intend to be. Not that it’s exactly better or worse than the plan they had in mind… it’s just, different.

I’m very much aware of that, so I don’t ponder much about plans for the further future. I don’t plan much more ahead than a year, and usually it’s not beyond a week or three. I don’t know at what age I’ll buy a house, when we’ll have children, I don’t have an image of a career I want to pursue. All I just want is to just HAVE a future, and a happy one. And we plant seeds for our future every day. I’m trying to plant seeds for a happy future. Happiness first, and the rest … oh well, we’ll see about that.

I can’t imagine not planting those seeds. Just sitting somewhere and not have a future at ALL.

It’s like just sitting there surrounded by mists, maybe looking back, but never able to make a choice to clear that haze. Just to sit there and let the seconds tick away.

“This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time” – so you should make the most of it, you know? Why waste any time? You simply cant be content if you’re cornered from all sides. Or maybe someone else can, but I sure as hell am unable to. There has to be a way out, and there is, if you’re willing to make a choice.

You can’t spend your whole life in the middle of a crossroad. You need to make a choice someday.

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lunch muses [23 Sep 2003|12:20pm]
[ mood | listless ]

Now that Martijn's leaving, I'll prolly have a standard desk for a while, instead of hopping around and occupying the desk that's not occupied on a certain day. I guess that's a good thing... aside from the fact that he wall that connects us to the rest of the department is made from glass, and I'm sitting directly before the dooropening... with my back right to it. If there's something I hate, then it's sitting somewhere where I cant oversee the whole department. I don't know why that is... my back just feels unprotected or something. I much rather sit on Ber's old place, but thats where the contractor (Martin) is sitting three days a week. That spot is nicely in the back of the dept. I can see the door from the corner of my eye, and I'm sitting next to a window. *sigh* Oh well. Tough luck for me, I guess.

I'm stuffed with aspirin again. Fucking headaches. I'd almost say I was stressed, but I think it's the bad sleep that makes my eyes unfocus, so I have to concentrate too hard and I get headaches. I might just need to take my glasses with me to work. *smirk* Never thought it'd come to this. Me, glasses. Of course they're only for computerwork - if I look at anything else, it gets all blurry - but still. Eeep and stuff! I know they look nice on me though... I get a bit of a teacher-look - which isnt out of place here at the school, of course ;)

The warm weather is over. Tonight it stormed; I went to bed at 7pm because of the headache, but the windchime started to tinkle like crazy around 9, so I quickly got up to close all the windows and doors. There were already puddles on my desk, on all the bills and stuff. It was freaking pouring with rain. Today it's raining off and on. Thankfully, Thursday, when Lie and I are going to have a drink in Amsterdam, its going to be pretty. So it doesnt really mind - I should be grateful for that last slice of summer we've gotten - its more than we usually get before autumn and winter start. Goodbye summer... I'll miss you!

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a disappointment [22 Sep 2003|03:41pm]
[ mood | shocked ]

I'm surprised, and it wasnt a pleasant one.
OMG. Martijn just closed the door of the HR dept and told Ilonka and me that come next week, he’ll leave. That totally sucks. I saw him a bit like my big brother here, someone I could always turn to – aside from Jacqueline, but she’s simply not always available. I really like him, and I thought I could learn the most from him in the upcoming year – but he doesn’t like the organisation enough to stay. He’s still in his 2 month trial period, so he can leave anytime. And so he will, next week. Tough shit.
I hope that whoever they find for him will be just as cool. :(


Fuck.

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happy place! [21 Sep 2003|09:47pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I was reading The Regulators today by Stephen King (back then posing as Richard Bachman). Gonna start reading Desperation one of these days, too. In the book there's a mention of a happy place. Audrey's being abused and when it gets too bad, she flees to her happy place - she just goes away in her head, so to say.
Her happy place was one specific memory that she relived over and over again.

Of course I started thinking what would be my happy place. My memory that I'd relive - it has to be a strong one of a perfect day, because after reliving it several times it might start to wear thin, I'm afraid. So it had to be a powerful one, a strong one, filled with good memories. One you think back to with a smile. One that makes you feel warm inside.
Mine is a warm day in early summer, 1995. Olli and I were madly in love, and we spent long days outside in the park. We had only been together for a couple of months, and we had a gorgeous spring and summer that year.
Olli and I had a date in the park... there's this bit of park thats totally unkept (once a year) and where hardly anyone comes. It's beautiful to be alone and have a sense of nature around you (if you dont count the trains close by every half an hour). And he had brought all kinds of food and drink with him. Strawberries, cans of vieux-cola, pineapple, croissants.
We were lying in the grass, in the leave-filtered sunlight. It was warm and quiet and lovely, and we were together.
He fed me strawberries and we were talking and laughing and looking at eachother like the love-struck teenagers we were, I smiled at him and he said: "Hell, if I didnt already love you, I'd fall in love with you now."

And that's the memory I'd flee to, if everything would go wrong. Although my mind doesnt really work that way - I'd prolly craft a dreamworld on the spot, and imagine he'd be with me, but if I'd have to choose a memory, it'd be that one.
What would be yours?


and now for something completely different... a silly quizCollapse )

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Interesting.... [21 Sep 2003|12:38pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Meyers Briggs test done on 30 October, 2002

Your Type is
ENFJ
Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Judging
67% 22% 56% 1%

~~~

Meyers Briggs test done on 21 September, 2003

Your Type is
ENFP
Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving
44% 11% 78% 11%


...I guess it really depends on the day and how you feel. The general idea is still the same - I know I have ENFJ tendencies, but the unstructured life of the ENFP is kind of how I am living right now. No money, no plans for the day, no obligations. We'll let it come and see what happens.

I live very much in the present - never look forward more than a week or two, a month mostly, into the future. I hardly plan ahead. Thats why the whole idea of marriage (yes yes, we're still talking and thinking) is so vague for me. Hell, I dont even know what I'm doing for Autumn break yet, how should I know what I want to do in freaking June?
I like it when I can follow a procedure, but on the other hand, I just told to Tijs, that you can *never* plan anything in detail, because there are always so much factors that can mess up your planning. You need room for improvisation, so that as soon as things spin out of that carefully planned control, you can act upon it. Tijs commented that improvisation can be really nice. And he's right - it stimulates creativity.

So, as for Meyers-Briggs: I do have Judging tendencies to others - because of my own strong principles and loyalties, I tend to want to force my principles onto others. When they do not live up to it, I tend to judge them upon that. But on the other hand, my organising/structure/planning skills are largely nonexistant. Oh hell, I dont even have the discipline to back up that schedule. So I dont know. I wonder what a professional would say of this.

It's going on the ENFJ mailing list, anyhow.

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